


Misdial?

by riddlesinthedark (MrsSaxon)



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: M/M, Nygmobblepot, feel good fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 11:01:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9068770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsSaxon/pseuds/riddlesinthedark
Summary: “You misdialed me 3 times and I’m beginning to think that last one was on purpose”-style AU





	

“Hey, Oswald, the phone’s ringing.”

Oswald looked up from tonight’s show, “Well then go answer it.” God, when they scrambled Butch’s brain had they completely eliminated free will as well?

“No, I mean… your phone. The business phone.”

Oswald blinked; that can’t be right. “I see.” Gripping his cane a little harder than necessary, Oswald lurched to the phone, swallowing and refusing to let his throat constrict. This was probably nothing. “Yes?”

“Hello, I’m calling… excuse me, who is this?”

Oswald’s eyes bulged. “You are speaking to the king of Gotham on his private line, and if you don’t know that, then how did you get this number?”

“Oh my god! Would you look at that, I transposed the 7 and 5, whoops! So sorry to bother you!” The phone clicked off.

Oswald stared at the phone in his hand. Just as he was turning to snarl at his imbecile employees to ask them HOW this number could possibly be accessed from the outside, the phone started ringing again.

“You want I should…?” one of his lackeys made a half-hearted pass for it, but Oswald waved him away, mouth puckering in distaste at the vinyl banana.

“Yes?” Oswald hissed, patience pressed.

“What, again?! Maybe she gave me the wrong number… I’m terribly sorry, Mr… king of Gotham, was it?”

“It’s Mr. Penguin, to you,” Oswald sniffed.

“Mr. Penguin! Of course, I heard you’re the only crime boss left in Gotham, such a pleasure to hear from you!”

Oswald’s eyebrows crinkled in mounting confusion at the babbling voice on the other end. He batted at the mouthpiece of the phone. “Aha, yes, pleasure to hear from you too, whoever you are, hate to interrupt, but it was you who called me, remember? And who am I speaking with so I can ensure you never have the ability to contact me again?”

“Oh! We’ve met! Don’t you remember? GCPD headquarters, I told you a riddle about nothing…?”

Oh good lord, _this_ guy. “Oh. Right, um… Eh, Ed…”

“Edward,” Ed supplied helpfully, “Nygma. Flattered you remember.”

“Listen, Ed, not that I haven’t _loved_ catching up with you, but you really shouldn’t have this number in the first place, so if you could refrain from calling here again before I send one of my men out to kill you? That would be great,” Oswald simpered across the telephone wire, “And, do me a favor, destroy whatever scrap of paper you’ve been reading this from so no one else makes the same mistake you have. Clean up would be terrible.”

“Oh, of course, immediately, it’s simply that there’s just one small problem.” Ed didn’t sound nearly as scared as Oswald would have liked.

“What?” Oswald tapped his fingers against the wall.

“Well, I haven’t been trying to call you at all, I’ve been trying to call the upstate forensic officer, I need some equipment sent down here, only the captain must have given me the wrong number by mistake…”

“And what exactly am I supposed to do about it?”

“Could you get me the correct number?” Ed burst out eagerly, “Just that one little number and I’ll be out of your hair!”

“…”

“Mr. Penguin?” Ed hesitated, “Are you still there?”

“You want me. to play. phone operator?” Oswald deadpanned.

“Well, not _literally_.”

Oswald suddenly wished for the ability to kill people just by thinking about it. He squeezed his fist tight, considered coming over there and throttling the life out of Ed himself, then… let it go.

“…what’s the name of the officer?”

“Brenda Michaels. I’d be very much obliged, Mr. Penguin; I won’t forget this, truly.”

“See that you don’t,” Oswald sneered, snapping his fingers for a lackey to come over and take the name down. “Wait a few minutes while my people get you the number you need,” he sighed, dropping the phone off his ear. Ed seemed to go on regardless of whether anyone was listening to him or not. The number eventually made it back and, to Ed’s credit, the numbers were very close. Oswald made a note to change that as quickly as possible.

“Alright, Ed?” Oswald put the phone to his ear again.

“I said, ‘what can be given, but never taken?’” Ed replied.

“What?” Oswald shook his head.

“So you weren’t listening to me,” Ed mused, “and it’s thanks, by the way.”

“Oh, I…” Oswald fumbled, caught off guard that Ed would notice his lack of response. He cleared his throat, “I have the number now.”

“Yes?” Ed waited. Oswald read out the number, curious that Ed didn’t seem much offended by his inattention.

“Thank you! As I said, I’ll be out of your hair now…”

“Ed,” Oswald stopped him from hanging up.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry for my behavior earlier, it was rude of me. And I remember you, from the GCPD. I remember your riddles. You’re very clever.”

“Thank… you?” Ed responded, unsure.

“I could use clever people, like you, on my side.”

“Mr. Penguin!” Ed’s voice fell to a reverberating hush, heavy with excitement.

“Just think about it, friend. And maybe… don’t destroy that scrap of paper, like I told you,” Oswald smiled.

“I… I will, I will, think about it, I…”

“Now I don’t want to hear from you again tonight… is that clear?” Oswald raised his chin, maintaining a stern tone.

“Ohhhh, yes, yes of course.”

“Good,” Oswald paused, then murmured, “Goodbye, Ed.”

“Goodbye, Mr. Penguin.”

Oswald hung up the phone, smiling gently.

“What’s with the look on your face, boss?” someone asked, “Good news or something?”

Oswald scowled, whirling, “No! And what business is it of yours, anyway? Get out of the way, get out.”

 


End file.
